


All Of Him

by loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS



Series: Aftermath [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (based on my immortal by evanescence), F/M, Introspection, Lance (Voltron) Whump, MAJOR S8 SPOILERS, Not a Happy Story, Post-Canon, Song fic, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:19:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS/pseuds/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: She still had all of him.And she always would.





	All Of Him

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by my immortal by evanescence because holy shit the lyrics fit them completely in canon
> 
> anyway, allura’s death was ugly and horrifying and lance's fate is unpleasant and i'm upset
> 
> edit: changed the title ^^;; thank you dude for reminding me of that infamous harry potter fic! damn lol (if you haven't read my immortal at least once, YOU MUST)

Six months had passed.

No matter how much Lance tried to tell himself that he was getting better each day, deep down, he knew he was lying to himself.

Time will heal your wounds, his family members would say. You just need some time. Give it some time, Lance.

He knew better.

Time would never seal the gaping hole the loss of Allura had left in his heart. The pain was just too raw and real and it still hurt too much to think about. Lance was beginning to think it was time to give up trying to recover.

There were days when he woke up, his heart wrenched so tight in his chest that he could do little more than curl up in a ball and just hope it would subside enough for him to get up and get on with his day. Other days, he'd wake up in some sort of denial, forgetting that Allura was actually gone only for his realisation to crash back into him full force and render him temporarily unable to breathe from his anguish.

Those days were the worst.

The times he slept—if he even could—were plagued by memories and dreams of her, often leaving him crippled when he tried to go about his day.

It always started the same way, with Allura’s goodbye, with their kiss, with him watching her turn to leave with Honerva again. Only this time, he’d try. He would try so hard to stop her, to reach out and maybe he might seem selfish but she was the love of his life and he didn’t want to lose her. But just as he would get his arms around her, she would disappear in a whisp of smoke and he’d be back on the farm, alone, without her.

Sometimes the dreams were memories of a much better time and those were the hardest because they always reminded him of what he'd had and then lost in a cruel twist of fate.

The memories would fly through his dreams as if from another life. Consoling her after Lotor’s deception. Comforting her when she cried. Taking her hand and helping her get through her pain. Reminding her how much they all needed her, how much they all loved her and how irreplaceable she was.

And at the end, she would always fade in his arms.

His family was supportive, giving him his space to grieve when he needed to and giving him a shoulder to lean on when he didn’t want to be alone, wiping his tears when he couldn’t stop crying, soothing him when he couldn’t handle his heartache over how unfair everything was, holding his hand when he trembled so hard he couldn’t breathe, but there was something in him missing.

Moving on was a feat not easily accomplished, and the more he tried to get better, the worst it seemed to feel sometimes. He’d tried so hard to come to terms with the fact that she was gone, that he’d lost his Something Good, and failed every time.

Lance was tired.

He was tired of being so heartbroken, of barely getting by, but the only way he could end the suffering was by letting Allura go, something he could never do because she meant so much to him. She’d been his everything, bettered him, and he’d loved her so deeply. To let her go would be to betray her sacrifice when she'd been so devoted to saving them all.

It was ironic.

He desperately wished he could see her again, that he could gaze upon her beautiful face and feel the warmth from her hugs and smell that sweet subtle scent of juniberries clinging to her skin. He would never be able to again, and yet, he was wholly surrounded by the very things that always reminded him of her. Her presence still lingered everywhere, wound so irrevocably around him and his life that it would never leave.

In the juniberry field he loved so much. In all the Alteans and Altea itself. In the energy of her presence in the sky and around the planet.

In the markings on his face.

She’d given him an irreplaceable part of herself, a gift he could never repay, a gift that would keep her close by forever.

But he couldn’t deny there were times it felt like a curse in some ways. His own face haunted him, left his throat constricting painfully and eyes welling with anguished tears whenever he saw it. Because looking at his face every morning, while it reminded him of their love for each other, hurt. It served to tell him every single day that he had lost his one great love.

And as time continued to move on, continued to pass slowly as he lived on, he was truly beginning to believe that there was just too much pain that time would never be able to erase. He’d found some semblance of peace, but there was always that lingering feeling in his mind that he would never be okay. That he would never truly move on.

Allura had been a light in his life, a light in all of their lives, and losing her had left darkness in its wake. Lance was leading a bittersweet life.

And he knew despite his family's unending support that they were watching him with unease. That they were concerned for his state of being. That they weren't buying his fake smiles. He’d overheard his family discussing him once, saying he was bound by his grief, that it was destroying him, and while he agreed, he didn’t know how else to handle losing the love of his life.

Lance was _terrified_.

He knew that if he tried to move on, what was left of Allura would disappear from his life and that scared him more than anything.

He wasn’t ready to lose her.

And he knew that she would always live on in his heart, that she would never truly disappear but even if he was ready, it would do her a great disservice.

Anytime the thought of going back to Earth, of finding a new ambition, of continuing his life even cropped up in his mind, he felt guilty. He owed it to Allura to continue her mission and guide and unite the Alteans. She had sacrificed her life for all of them to protect the universe. She had given up her destiny and her future and her role as a leader for her people to ensure the rest of them could live and have a future to go back to.

So he _had to_ live for her.

 _This_ was the very least he could do.

And even if his heart shattered every day being surround by so many vestiges of the woman he loved so dearly, even if it made it harder to accept that he was alone, he would continue to give up his own life to carry out her will just so he could keep her in his heart forever.

She still had all of him.

And for as long as he lived, she always would.


End file.
